I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
