This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
