I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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