moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Congratulations! We have a period
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