We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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