....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
