My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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