I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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