You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
