Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
