My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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