Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
