I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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