ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
