dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
