Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
