Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
