The maid of honor just puked.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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