I wish my penis had an off switch
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
