Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
