God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
