I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Boobs are out for the taking
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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