history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
