So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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