i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
