After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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