do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
