last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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