everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize