That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
