The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
