dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
