She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
