Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
