The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
