Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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