I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
