omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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