what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
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Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
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(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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