you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
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Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
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Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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