East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
