mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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