I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
