when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
