is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This is the high leading the old right now
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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