Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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