Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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