Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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