it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
