smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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