Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
