I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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