i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
