I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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