I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
time to smoke my breakfast
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
