Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
