i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
