If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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