winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
