I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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