i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
