Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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