Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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