I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
