You're completely useless in the revolution.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
