This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
