she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
