So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
