So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
