Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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