my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
