I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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