Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
