pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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