This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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