Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize