He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
